Wedding in Maui...Jealous? You Will Be

Anyone who knows D and I know that if we were to cheap out anything on our wedding it most definitely would NOT be the food or the wine. SOME of this food will show up at our wedding, SOME of it won't. These pictures do no justice to what our amazing caterer will be creating for our lucky guests. All I can say is, ono, and oishii.

I Tried to Kill My Fiancee (Flaming Hot Albondigas)

I swear I was not trying to collect on life insurance last night.

I told D that since I had MLK day off I would cook her anything she wanted to make up for the fact that she had to go to work, but she had to choose a new recipe. I was surprised when she chose a very healthy soup from Bon Apetit magazine. I mean, mini-meatballs with shredded zucchini and roasted poblano peppers in a beef broth with onions and more shredded zucchini? Mmm...that was right up my alley.

I roasted the poblano in the oven at 400 degrees for 45 minutes turning every 15 until it looked like a deflated balloon. The aroma was enough to reach my perma(thanks to my students)nantly clogged nose...mmmm, again. Roughly chopped it was added to ground turkey, along with shredded zucchini, grated onion, garlic, and Panko bread crumbs. I rolled them up into 1 inch balls of goodness. Mind out of the gutter please. They looked good enough to eat raw, so I did. Kidding kidding. Next up the broth. This is where it all went wrong...so wrong. I halved the recipe to begin with so of course I halved the spices in the broth too. Maybe I should have reduced them by about 95% because my nose was running while the broth was simmering across the kitchen. The recipe called for dried poblano pepper but I couldn't find that. I figured regular chile pepper would be a decent substitute. Apparently poblano pepper powder is powder for sissies because adding the same amount of chile powder to the broth created a flaming hot cauldron of taste bud destruction.

Now, anyone who knows me well knows that I can tolerate heat, both temperature and spiciness. I'm the guy that asks for the 4-alarm, skull and crossbones, wings of death and then asks for hotsauce. D on the other hand, not so much. I think if it was physically possible she would have melted my face with her firebreath. She was not happy and was definitely in some physical pain, which pained me, cause it was my fault. The really sad thing is that we could tell that aside from the nuclear burn, the soup tasted GOOD. The meat was tender, the broth had good flavor(until it killed you), and I wanted to like it. We even tried diluting it. I added TWICE the broth and it made it bearable for me but D was not even willing to go near it for fear of flashbacks.

Moral of the story as given to me by D and asked to all of the contestants of Top Chef whenever their food sucked? Did you taste your food while you were cooking? The answer? No, so it's better to add spice later because you definitely can't take it away. It's a good thing tastebuds are not like brain cells or else we both would be a bit dumber.

Japanese Curry with Crispy Tofu

D and I try and plan our meals out for the week so that we don't hit a restaurant just because we don't have anything else to eat, but just like everyone else we have those days when we don't want to think about cooking and it would be much easier to just throw in the towel, jump in the car, and find the nearest drive-thru.

           Although if  pictures like this don't stop you from throwing your health away I don't know what will.

 The Double Coronary Burger

five slices of bacon, four slices of cheese, two fried eggs, mayo, lettuce, tomato, and onion between two grilled cheese sandwiches

Sometimes those days are unexpected, others you just know you are going to feel that way by the end of the work day. That's why we have a few easy go to meals that we can throw together quickly.

One of those is Japanese Curry with Crispy Tofu. Very Simple.

1. Curry Mix

2. Vegetables

3. Tofu

4. Panko

5. Egg









6. Cooked Rice (We ALWAYS have frozen rice balls to microwave up)

Step 1. Read curry package
Step 2. Follow Directions
Step 3. Leave on low simmer
Step 4. Cut tofu 1 inch thick by 3 inches Square
Step 5. Coat tofu in egg white
Step 6. Coat eggy (yes that's a word) tofu in panko
Step 7. Heat enough oil in pan to just cover the metal (I'm healthy no deep frying here)
Step 8. Pan fry tofu until crispy on both sides
Step 9. Add chopped vegetables to curry We have zucchini, onion, and sometimes potatoes. Be creative.
Step 10. Heat up rice in microwave
Step 11. Add rice to bowl
Step 12. Pour curry over rice
Step 13. Add crispy tofu on top
Step 14. Take picture. Ok, that one was just so I didn't end on step 13, superstitious

('’)

Private Chefs of Beverly Hills, the Worst Cooking Show...Ever

Private Chefs of Beverly Hills is one of the worst if not THE worst new reality show I have seen in a long time. Not only is the show AWFUL but the chefs and the company that they work for are completely unprofessional and lack basic skills even D and I have.

 The company that is featured on the show is called Big City Chefs and it is based out of San Francisco apparently. I don't know who runs the company but if there is one thing that seems to unite all chefs across the board it's the possession of an HUGE EGO! Why then, knowing this, would you ever ever ever send more than one chef to cater a function? HUGE EGO + HUGE EGO = HUGE DISASTER! Makes for drama on the television but it is PAINFUL to watch because the chefs are HORRIBLE actors.

I have an idea, send one chef and some sous chefs. Brilliant! Better yet, send one 12 year old capable of using a microwave, one 16 year old because he can drive, give them a credit card so that the 16 year old can take the 12 year old to the supermarket to buy some high quality TV dinners. Then have a highschool senior in an honors english class change the name of the boxed dinners to something more fancy sounding.
                          
                                 For Example:
        Kid Cuisine Snowman shaped Mac and Cheese

Honors Englishified: Whimsical 3 Cheese Pasta
                               Sweet Baby Corn Maque Choux
                   Duo of Holiday White Chocolate Truffles




One example of a pair of chef's lack of all things chefworthy is a failed chocolate mousse turning into a search of the client's entire kitchen for anything that they can serve as a dessert. This search ends with the discovery of a boxed brownie mix.  The two chefs somehow butcher a BOXED mix onto the plate and make it look like, for lack of a better word, doodoo. This picture, believe it or not looks better than their product.


One of the chefs on the first episode is Brian from Top Chef Season 1.

He got kicked off for cooking mushy carrots to little kids. It doesn't look like he has learned anything from this as he insists on serving a salad of mixed greens, grapes, and who knows what else in a martini glass to a roomful of teenagers on their way to homecoming. It comes then as no surprise that the prissy princess of Beverly Hills that is host to the party remarks. "It was so gross, I threw up a little bit in my mouth."

He did however redeem himself by making "special" tortilla chips that the kids were raving about. He calls them "crack chips" on the show, appropriate for teenagers and so VERY special. Ingredients? Kosher salt, quartered tortillas and canola oil. I think that is called, Tostitos where I'm from.

 I know for a fact that D and I could plan and prepare a better menu then every one of the dinners that was shown on the first episode. One word, pathetic