I Tried to Kill My Fiancee (Flaming Hot Albondigas)

I swear I was not trying to collect on life insurance last night.

I told D that since I had MLK day off I would cook her anything she wanted to make up for the fact that she had to go to work, but she had to choose a new recipe. I was surprised when she chose a very healthy soup from Bon Apetit magazine. I mean, mini-meatballs with shredded zucchini and roasted poblano peppers in a beef broth with onions and more shredded zucchini? Mmm...that was right up my alley.

I roasted the poblano in the oven at 400 degrees for 45 minutes turning every 15 until it looked like a deflated balloon. The aroma was enough to reach my perma(thanks to my students)nantly clogged nose...mmmm, again. Roughly chopped it was added to ground turkey, along with shredded zucchini, grated onion, garlic, and Panko bread crumbs. I rolled them up into 1 inch balls of goodness. Mind out of the gutter please. They looked good enough to eat raw, so I did. Kidding kidding. Next up the broth. This is where it all went wrong...so wrong. I halved the recipe to begin with so of course I halved the spices in the broth too. Maybe I should have reduced them by about 95% because my nose was running while the broth was simmering across the kitchen. The recipe called for dried poblano pepper but I couldn't find that. I figured regular chile pepper would be a decent substitute. Apparently poblano pepper powder is powder for sissies because adding the same amount of chile powder to the broth created a flaming hot cauldron of taste bud destruction.

Now, anyone who knows me well knows that I can tolerate heat, both temperature and spiciness. I'm the guy that asks for the 4-alarm, skull and crossbones, wings of death and then asks for hotsauce. D on the other hand, not so much. I think if it was physically possible she would have melted my face with her firebreath. She was not happy and was definitely in some physical pain, which pained me, cause it was my fault. The really sad thing is that we could tell that aside from the nuclear burn, the soup tasted GOOD. The meat was tender, the broth had good flavor(until it killed you), and I wanted to like it. We even tried diluting it. I added TWICE the broth and it made it bearable for me but D was not even willing to go near it for fear of flashbacks.

Moral of the story as given to me by D and asked to all of the contestants of Top Chef whenever their food sucked? Did you taste your food while you were cooking? The answer? No, so it's better to add spice later because you definitely can't take it away. It's a good thing tastebuds are not like brain cells or else we both would be a bit dumber.

Saison Dupont Belgian Bottle Conditioned Ale

Saison Dupont was named Best Beer in the World in 2005 by Men's Journal but its beginnings were much more humble. "Farmhouse Ale" is printed on the label and that is literally what this beer is. A belgian beer, saison, means season, was traditionally brewed for the summer to refresh workers at local farms. Since each individual farmer brewed his own batch this meant that the yeast that was used was specific to that specific farm locale. Saison Dupont uses a secondary fermentation in the bottle and has a champagne style cork that is not only fun to open but serves a purpose since there is a LOT of carbonation in the bottle. The beer pours a cloudy yellow due to the leftover yeast that add a bit of creamy mouthfeel and has a citrusy lemon taste to it that is very refreshing. Lightly hopped it has a nice balance with just a tinge of bitterness. One wiff of this beer and you can know it uses a wild strain of yeast as it has a slightly funky, horse blanket smell to it. This is definitely a nice beer to pair with spicy foods as the acidity is quite high. D and I shared one with our corn beef hash and horseradish cream sauce. D loves this beer and it definitely is a session option as it is only 6.5% ABV. An easy drinker into the night.

Unibroue Trois Pistoles

Let me start off by saying I love this beer. This Belgian strong ale has a flavor profile that seems to harken back to its label. Dark and mysterious there is a lot going on with this brew. Bottle fermented there are still some little yeasties floating around after a rough pour which lend a creamy character to the body. Nicely carbonated this brew has a malty, caramely, taste with hints of port and chocolate brownie on the backend. It would go great with beef or a chocolate dessert of some kind. I know it sounds sweet but this beer is anything but. At 9% ABV it could end up making you feel like the "devil horse" on the label kicked you in the head if you down more than one of the 22 oz bottles that I had. I wish I was less of a light weight so I could have had another and still drove home.

('’)

Japanese Curry with Crispy Tofu

D and I try and plan our meals out for the week so that we don't hit a restaurant just because we don't have anything else to eat, but just like everyone else we have those days when we don't want to think about cooking and it would be much easier to just throw in the towel, jump in the car, and find the nearest drive-thru.

           Although if  pictures like this don't stop you from throwing your health away I don't know what will.

 The Double Coronary Burger

five slices of bacon, four slices of cheese, two fried eggs, mayo, lettuce, tomato, and onion between two grilled cheese sandwiches

Sometimes those days are unexpected, others you just know you are going to feel that way by the end of the work day. That's why we have a few easy go to meals that we can throw together quickly.

One of those is Japanese Curry with Crispy Tofu. Very Simple.

1. Curry Mix

2. Vegetables

3. Tofu

4. Panko

5. Egg









6. Cooked Rice (We ALWAYS have frozen rice balls to microwave up)

Step 1. Read curry package
Step 2. Follow Directions
Step 3. Leave on low simmer
Step 4. Cut tofu 1 inch thick by 3 inches Square
Step 5. Coat tofu in egg white
Step 6. Coat eggy (yes that's a word) tofu in panko
Step 7. Heat enough oil in pan to just cover the metal (I'm healthy no deep frying here)
Step 8. Pan fry tofu until crispy on both sides
Step 9. Add chopped vegetables to curry We have zucchini, onion, and sometimes potatoes. Be creative.
Step 10. Heat up rice in microwave
Step 11. Add rice to bowl
Step 12. Pour curry over rice
Step 13. Add crispy tofu on top
Step 14. Take picture. Ok, that one was just so I didn't end on step 13, superstitious

('’)

Green Flash Brewing West Coast IPA

Maybe my judgement was a bit skewed after downing a
Unibroue Trois Pistoles(Review to come) but I asked the server at The Haven in Orange for an IPA recommendation. Bad Move. I don't know what it is but I never have a good experience when I ask someone else to make choices for me. Point in case, this nuclear hop bomb laying waste to anything in its path, namely, my palate. It poured beautiful but I could hear my tastebuds screaming for mercy after the second sip. The only reason it wasn't the first sip is I think they were struck deaf, dumb, and blind with the first wave of unbalanced bitterness. If taste buds could wave white flags my little guys were frantically showing the international sign for conceding defeat. I love IPA and I love hops but this one was bitter for the sake of being bitter. I've had some astronomical IBU's (Dogfish Head 90 and 120 minute IPA anyone?) and this one clocking in at 95 had them ducking and covering. There was just no balance of hops and malt. I can drink a 90 minute, enjoy each sip and want another one but Green Flash's offering had me questioning my hops allegiance. I finished it, barely, and only because I come from the Old School...
Will Ferrell's Old School... not Grandpa's. No wounded soldiers!
('’)

Avery Brewing Imperial Oktoberfest "The Kaiser"

I first tried this Imperial Oktoberfest in November 2009 at The Twisted Vine in Fullerton, CA. It was part of a tasting of three and it blew the other two out of the water. The beer pours a nice hazy copper color with a lacy head that lasts for a long time. The brew clocks in at 9.3 ABV and you get a little bit of that alcohol on the palate but the malt bomb that characterizes this seasonal quickly neutralizes it. There are hints of orange and of course the spices that are inherent in an Oktoberfest. There is a slight hoppiness to the nose but again the bready aroma and taste overpowers it. The beer is well balanced and the body is not too heavy. I could drink this all night, except since it's not exactly a session beer you'd find me snoozing after two of these 22oz bottles. I've tried a few of Avery's other beers and I have always been pleasantly surprised. Pick a couple up you won't regret it.

My Wickedly Sharp Japanese Babies

Have you ever tried to cut through concrete with a plastic spork? I'm not even talking one of those newfangled titanium ones you can get at REI for ultralight camping.
I'm talking cheap, elementary school grade plastic Vs. concrete.
No?
Than why in the heck would you choose to dice an onion or slice a carrot with anything less than a sharp knife?

I've never owned a good set of knives until the ones that I got most recently. Which ones did I choose to shell out my hard earned cash on? The title should have given it away but I bought a Shun Classic knife block set

They are incredibly sharp, light, and beautiful. Yes, my knives are beautiful. People who know me know I love my knives... a lot. I baby them like, well, a baby. A wickedly sharp, deadly, japanese baby, that comes with a lifetime warranty and free sharpening.

('’)

Liquid Bacon...AKA The Original German Smoke Beer

Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Urbock

Do you know any vegetarians? How about vegans? D and I are friends with a couple where he is hard core vegan and she is a vegetarian, mostly, well kinda, she eats cheese, and eggs sometimes, and well, if you talked her into it probably some fish. But anyway, this story is about the vegan. 

We met up one night at the new gastropub in Orange, The Haven for a beer on a Saturday. I had been doing my nightly beer, wine, or spirits research and had recently read about the classic smoke beer Rauchbier. I was really excited when I saw that it was on the menu because I hadn't been able to find it anyplace else. D and I ordered before our friends got their. She ordered the Saison Dupont which I had introduced her to earlier. D doesn't like big heavy beers but she appreciates a well made one. The Saison has a nice tart lemon flavor and is bright and bubbly. A pretty typical farmhouse ale. Our friends finally showed up, and ordered. It happened that our vegan friend ordered the Stone Smoked Porter. Which I was excited about since that meant I could compare the two smoked ales side by side. 

I poured the Rauchebier which was a deep brown and clear, however the head did not stay long. It may have been the glass, I think something Haven uses in their glasses inhibits retention because I have never had a head last long there. That first drink hit me like a mastodon baby back rib to the forehead. I had never had a smoked beer before until this beer. NOTHING compares to this brew with its malt smoked over beechwood. The aftertaste of not just smoke but slow smoked meat like you would find at a southern pit barbecue restaurant lingered on my palate for a long time. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not but it definitely was interesting and had an incredible depth of flavor. I switched brews for the Stone and I could barely detect a hint of smoke. That might have been because I still had a pulled pork sandwich aftertaste from the Rauchbier in my mouth but there definitely was no comparison. I anxiously awaited the reaction from the vegan from his first swig. He swallowed, paused, and smiled. "That is sooo good! It tastes like, LIQUID BACON." Needless to say, The Vegan, did not want to give my beer back since he was drinking the animal protein he had foresaken for so long. I'm not sure how he remembered what  bacon tastes like I only know that I definitely did not get a whole lot more of my rauchbier. 

Moral? If you want a big, beefy(literally), smoky beer, with a LOT going on in the flavor department try this one out. Oh, and if you want to keep your liquid bacon don't give it to a vegan. 

('’)

Private Chefs of Beverly Hills, the Worst Cooking Show...Ever

Private Chefs of Beverly Hills is one of the worst if not THE worst new reality show I have seen in a long time. Not only is the show AWFUL but the chefs and the company that they work for are completely unprofessional and lack basic skills even D and I have.

 The company that is featured on the show is called Big City Chefs and it is based out of San Francisco apparently. I don't know who runs the company but if there is one thing that seems to unite all chefs across the board it's the possession of an HUGE EGO! Why then, knowing this, would you ever ever ever send more than one chef to cater a function? HUGE EGO + HUGE EGO = HUGE DISASTER! Makes for drama on the television but it is PAINFUL to watch because the chefs are HORRIBLE actors.

I have an idea, send one chef and some sous chefs. Brilliant! Better yet, send one 12 year old capable of using a microwave, one 16 year old because he can drive, give them a credit card so that the 16 year old can take the 12 year old to the supermarket to buy some high quality TV dinners. Then have a highschool senior in an honors english class change the name of the boxed dinners to something more fancy sounding.
                          
                                 For Example:
        Kid Cuisine Snowman shaped Mac and Cheese

Honors Englishified: Whimsical 3 Cheese Pasta
                               Sweet Baby Corn Maque Choux
                   Duo of Holiday White Chocolate Truffles




One example of a pair of chef's lack of all things chefworthy is a failed chocolate mousse turning into a search of the client's entire kitchen for anything that they can serve as a dessert. This search ends with the discovery of a boxed brownie mix.  The two chefs somehow butcher a BOXED mix onto the plate and make it look like, for lack of a better word, doodoo. This picture, believe it or not looks better than their product.


One of the chefs on the first episode is Brian from Top Chef Season 1.

He got kicked off for cooking mushy carrots to little kids. It doesn't look like he has learned anything from this as he insists on serving a salad of mixed greens, grapes, and who knows what else in a martini glass to a roomful of teenagers on their way to homecoming. It comes then as no surprise that the prissy princess of Beverly Hills that is host to the party remarks. "It was so gross, I threw up a little bit in my mouth."

He did however redeem himself by making "special" tortilla chips that the kids were raving about. He calls them "crack chips" on the show, appropriate for teenagers and so VERY special. Ingredients? Kosher salt, quartered tortillas and canola oil. I think that is called, Tostitos where I'm from.

 I know for a fact that D and I could plan and prepare a better menu then every one of the dinners that was shown on the first episode. One word, pathetic

New Years at The Old Vine Cafe Costa Mesa

I had heard great things about The Old Vine Cafe.
2937 Bristol St. Suite A-102 Costa Mesa, CA 92626 (The Camp)

Ok mainly I had heard how amazing their burrata (locally sourced) is. We even attempted to procure said burrata (at 10PM) after a dissappointing dinner(more on that later) at the tapas restaurant, Boqueria.

The Old Vine was having two seatings for New Years, one at 5:30 and the other at 8:30. D and I are DEFinitely not early dinner people. I HATE Thanksgivings that start at like 1 PM. I eat, stuff myself, then I am hungry again and raid the fridge and feel like a heifer(cow). Hence the reason I chose the 8:30 seating. There were two prix fixe menus to choose from: The Original and the Vegetarian. Not wanting to miss out on any of the dishes and D being fine with either as long as she had burrata we ordered both of them. Here comes the amazing thing:

Each course of the 4 came with a paired glass of wine. 8 total courses 8 glasses of wine. D and I being who we are asked if we could order a glass BEFORE dinner since we were early. Our waiter, Mario, (every time I hear that name I can't get Nintendo's Mario voice out of my head) looked at us as if we were crazy and told D that if she could walk out upright after dinner he would buy our wine. Us, being the "professionals" ordered. She had the Cristalino Cava (super dry, a one note wonder, we stock a 4$ bottle that's better) Me? I was intrigued by the Chikurin "Hou Hou" Sparkling Sake (D's comment? Tastes like a soda) I'll try anything once. Even this slightly embarrassing looking bottle to the right here. Japanese schoolgirl anyone?

Now, my glass could only be as full as the bottle over to the right but D's glass? Cava in a white wine glass HALF FULL (6 oz at least) This would become a theme with Mario. Who is an AWEsome waiter and not just because of the pours and his name. He knew his wine, he loved to talk about it, and he took the time to explain each course and why each wine was chosen for the food. D and I are certified by WSET in wine so we annoy our friends when we go out but wine is a passion of ours.

First Course:

Original:  Sautéed Sea Scallop on a nest of Crispy Fried Yucca finished with Tarragon Chardonnay Sauce.

Paired with a 2006 Frogmore Creek Chardonnay, Tasmania

Food: Scallops were perfectly cooked, I cut them with a butter knife like it WAS butter and I had a HOT knife. D even tried it and she HATES scallops. We both loved the Tarragon sauce it was genuis. Briny, smooth, touch of tarragon annise but not too much.

Wine: Awful. I knew this coming in because we sell this wine at the wine bar I work at. Come on, Chardonnay? Tasmania? Can anyone say STEWED FRUIT. Think of eating hot pineapple. MMMmmm Tasty... I finished my japanese schoolgirl soda which paired much nicer with this.

Vegetarian: Baby Spinach with Dried Fruit, Pine Nuts, Fresh Goat Cheese & Honey Balsamic Vinaigrette.

Paired with a 2008 Wild Rock Sauvignon Blanc, Marlborough New Zealand

Food: I enjoyed the figs, D liked the spinach and dressing. I even got her to try the goat cheese which was not overtly gamy(she hates goat). She compared it to a heavier sheep cheese. The salad was good but not groundbreaking. What do you want? It's a salad

Wine: D and I love our Sauvignon Blanc. ESPECIALLY New Zealand. There is something about that grassy, herbacious, who am I kidding it smells like CAT PEE and it tastes so good! This is the only instance where I will say I like cats. Wine drinkers love cat pee but hate wet dog. This wine didn't have as much acid up front as most SB's do but nevertheless I was not allowed to have more than a sip. D REALLY likes SB. Although it would have paired better with MY dish.

Second Course:

Original: Handmade Fettuccini Pomodoro garnished with Aged Pecorino Romano Cheese.

Paired with a 2005 Tre Serre Barbera, Piedmonte Italy

Food: The noodles were perfectly cooked al dente and toothsome. Sometimes handmade noodles can be mushy and these weren't. If you talk to someone FROM Italy they will tell you that handmade does not equal good. Most pasta is cooked from dried noodles there because it's a better more consistent product. The noodles were a bit eggy for D. The sauce was wonderful and the pecorino added the salt it lacked. I ate it all and I am NOT a carb person. D was amazed.

Wine: The barbera we are used to is a big, powerful, meaty wine. I wasn't sure how it was going to pair with this rather light pasta dish. D and I were pleasantly surprised by the lightness of it. The taste was full but it didn't overpower the dish. Mario explained that this is characteristic of the Piedmonte region.

Vegetarian: Mozarella Buratta, Panko Crusted Eggplant, Grape Tomatoes & Basil Pesto.

Paired with a N.V. Caposaldo Brut Prosecco, Italy

Food: It finally came! There should have been a light from heaven shining down and angels singing hallelujah. Let's put it this way, I got one bite...one small bite...one. It was that good. D asked Mario if the chef would make her a tasting of burrata three ways when we come back. Mario thought the chef would love it so I think we will be making another reservation soon

Wine: Mario kept the big pours coming. D actually commented and Mario told her he could take it back if she wanted. D was still savoring her SB but managed to let Mario keep the pours coming.

The prosecco was pretty standard. Dry, minerally. I only had a sip or two.

Third Course:

Original: Filet Mignon & Crispy Fried Onions with Bleu Des Basque Demi Cream Sauce.

Paired with a 2008 Maipe Cabernet Sauvignon, Argentina

Food: The filet was a perfect even pink all the way through. The sauce(which D was unsure of because of the blue cheese) was amazing. I wanted more of it and more of the crispy onions. Great dish!

Wine: This was my favorite wine of the night. I could have just smelled it all night which was weird because I don't live Cab's in general. Leathery, tobacco, deep rich aroma, with a hint of dark chocolate on the end. paired perfectly with the filet.

Vegetarian:Pan Fried Polenta with Pomodoro Cream Sauce with Aged Pecorino Romano Cheese.

Paired with a 2006 Valle Reale Vigne Nuove Montepulciano d'Abruzzo, Italy

Food: This was the one that D was unsure of on her menu but she really enjoyed it. Nice cheese flavor that wasn't overpowered by the sauce and the polenta was well cooked. She is even going to let me try and recreate it at home. The great polenta debate at our house has ended. I hav had some in the cupboard for a while and until now it has gone unused.

Wine: Didn't try this one but D seemed to like it.

Final Course:

Original:

Grandma's Cheesecake, Wild Berry Puree

Paired with a NV Ferreira Ruby Port

Food: If it looks naked that's because D doesn't eat fruit so we asked for it without the berries. It was really good. D raved about the crust and teased me that it had TONS of butter. The health nut in me rebelled, and lost.

Wine: Pretty standard port. Not very deep in flavor or aroma. Very light body. Not one of my favorites.

Vegetarian:

Mini Pecan Pie Tartlets garnished with Vanilla Fleur De Sel Butterscotch Sauce & Whipped Cream.

Paired with 2003 Famiglia Bianchi Late Harvest Semillon, Argentina

Food:  I didn't get a picture of this one but it was good. I don't like pecan pie which was perfect for this dessert because there was very little pecan flavor. It could have almost been called Mini "insert good tasting filling here" Pie Tartlets. The fleur de sel really highlighted the sauce and made the flavors pop. It was a perfect ending.

Wine: I only had a sip of it but D said it was good.

Overall: D and I agreed that this was one of, if not the best meals we have ever had in total. The service, the ambiance, the company, the food, and wine all added up to a memorable experience. We definitely will be coming back for burrata three ways!

Oh and Mario bought us our first two wines.

Like I said, "Professionals."